You may have joined on purpose, by accident, or were forced into this club, but regardless of how you ended up here, I want to say, “I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry that you’re feeling anything close to how I’m feeling because I know just how miserable, hard, and hopeless it can feel. How just when you think you’re ok, everything comes flooding back, and the sadness returns.
Welcome to the most humdrum club that exists, but where you can come and know you’re not alone, which right now probably is the most important thing to truly understand.
I didn’t plan on becoming the welcoming committee to this club, and I’m sure I’m not the only one greeting members, but as I’ve stayed true to myself, and cathartically expressed my most intimate feelings about mourning my own love lost, something eerily beautiful happened.
You and I, and more people than I think even I can comprehend, found our hearts synergistically speaking to one another in the most profound and deepest of ways. We connected in an age that makes this horribly difficult, and in which this is all many of us crave.
As day 1, and now day 2 of my own heart’s lament comes to a close, I’ve been inundated with messages from friends and strangers expressing how they too relate so intensely to what I have written. I assume subconsciously I knew that others would understand, as it seems obvious now, but when we fall so deep into our own minds, it can be hard to remember that there are millions of people out in the world feeling exactly how we’re feeling, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
We get lost in our own crazy, and often fear sharing this side of ourselves. It feels unattractive, lacking control, and far too human for the technologic world we exist in.
We’re made to think that we should only show the bright, happy side to our lives, and that if we show any type of vulnerability it makes us weak. But as I’ve learned through the years of sharing my own not so shiny stories, the more we’re honest, open, and candid about what’s really happening, the more we can feel an authentic connection to one another.
I’m a firm believer that we should never try and hide our more somber feelings because it’s during these times that we need others the most. When we need to be frank and a little messy. When we just need a shoulder, a hug, a story that sounds familiar.
Yes, I know you want to be strong, but don’t be reckless when it comes to yourself, your soul, and your heart.
It’s dangerous, and The Heartbreak Club is here for you.
Ironically, I first learned about this club from my ex, who even now, I feel so strongly for because in this tragic time, I know we’re both feeling the same intense pain and loss. Being so connected was part of what held us together for as long as it had, and why I will never speak ill about this amazing person, but our story became too complicated, and mentioning this club to me before we were even officially done, I suppose, foreshadows how this would be where we both ended up.
I wish we could comfort each other during this time, and I think he does too, which makes the entire situation all the more difficult, but wishing only makes wishes, and this just isn’t possible.
We’ve tried, it doesn’t work, it sucks.
I’m sure you understand this in some fucked up way, and for that again, “I’m sorry.”
However, The Heartbreak Club welcomes you with an open heart, open ears, and an open mind.
We’re here without any judgment, and fully recognize you would love nothing more than to not be in this club. We get it.
We welcome you regardless of how long it’s been since you’ve lost the love that makes you feel this way. It doesn’t have to be recent; it could be years over at this point, or as fresh as just a few minutes ago, there’s no right time to join or leave us.
The membership is free with no expiration date, and welcomes returning members.
We don’t care how official, or unofficial the relationship was because in the end it’s your heart, your mind, your being that feels how it feels.
We don’t believe that one ending is worse than any others because we understand that in life there can only be two winners, or two losers. It’s an unfortunate life lesson to learn, but one that speaks to the humanity of love and relationships.
We encourage you to be honest, to be sad, to be angry, and to be whatever the hell you need to be, but if you’re to truly honor yourself, then we recommend that you steer clear of bashing your ex, and making them the main focus.
The focus should now be on you, and your healing process.
I know this can be beyond difficult; especially when you feel like they’ve done you wrong, or that the little change you needed would’ve been easy to fulfill. The thing is, bashing him won’t make him feel any worse, and in the end, it truly will only make you feel shitty because in some unhealthy, yet completely sane way, you still love him. And that is how I can whole-heartedly promise you that you’ll find your way out of this club when the time is right.
We stress that there’s no right or wrong process to moving on, and that as long as you aren’t harming yourself mentally, physically, or spiritually you have every right to do whatever it is to find your light. The same luminous light that shimmered beyond bright before you first attracted the person, who now, makes you feel dull, dumb, and dim.
Remember that you were not only ok, but also amazing before you met this person, and you will not only go back to that delicious human being, but also evolve into an even more epic version of yourself from what you learn while in this club.
Know that at some point, unfortunately, your ex is also in this club, has been in this club, or will be in this club, and that majority of the people around you everyday have also carried a membership at some point. It’s a strangely haunting thing to recognize, and something that cosmically bonds us all together.
Love is what drives us before we find this club, it’s what brings us to this club, and eventually, it’s what helps us leave this club.
However, it’s the love you show yourself at this point that will make the difference, and ultimately, if you’re open to it, one day, help you find the person that forever revokes your membership from The Heartbreak Club.
I truly can’t express how honored and oddly poignant I feel to be the person that welcomes you to this club, and reminds you that you’re never alone. It’s what drives me to continue to share my soul in the scariest and most vulnerable of ways, and what helps me understand that one day my membership will also expire.
Till that fateful day comes, I will be here, as simply a member of The Heartbreak Club, for we’re all equals. I will continue to honor all my ex’s, faults and all, because they’ve taught me how to love, to let go, and ultimately, to grow. They’ve each planted a seed inside my heart that I have allowed to blossom into trees full of feelings, wisdom, and knowledge, and for that my gratitude will reign over any sadness I may feel.
I strongly encourage you to share this with your friends, your family, your loved ones, so that you may have an open, messy, and authentic dialogue about what it feels like to be a member of The Heartbreak Club, and more than anything I would love and appreciate hearing your story in the comment section below, so that we can all heal together.
I send all my love to you, and again want to say, “Welcome and I’m sorry.”