The Taxing Tale Of Tinder

I often take a very serious approach to discussing dating; however, I felt the need to juxtapose my normal demeanor with something more light-hearted. Additionally, as I always claim, I know that for everything I have to say there are plenty of stories that combat my own feelings on this topic.


With that said, I give you, "The Taxing Tale of Tinder."

You’re young, attractive and single.

Of course you should be on Tinder looking to mingle.

You threw caution to the wind, and downloaded an app.

It was free, and you figured, “how bad could it really be?”

It started out all innocent and fun.

But then you couldn’t hold yourself back from swiping a ton.

Ten-mile radius, new options galore.

Just keep swiping more and more.

A new match, a new convo, another endless road.

But hey, you have to kiss a couple of toads.

Another swipe, another dud.

“No, thanks, I didn’t sign up looking for a fuck bud.”

Creeps, losers and insecure little boys.

You realize that they’re simply playing with one of their toys.

A game disguised as a dating app

Is quickly fostering an impersonal rap.

You question why you’re on here over and over again.

Rationalizing that there have to be some good men.

Boredom looms over you

And you simply don’t know what else to do,

So you just keep swiping.

Thinking, texting, typing.

Eventually your better judgment reigns supreme.

And you give up living in a screen’s daydream.

You no longer wake up with the hopes of a new match.

Instead you start honoring the fact that you’re a catch.

No longer will you seek the dopamine hit.

You’ve finally done it, you’ve quit.

Good-bye Tinder, Grindr and The League,

And feeling beyond emotionally fatigued.

You’ve regained your sense of self, confidence and time.

“Fuck yes, you are one hundred percent a dime.”

Swiping is replaced with real life chance meetings,

A friendly hello, a serendipitous greeting.

Yes, real-life dating still isn’t easy,

But it is a whole lot less sleazy.

A new journey now begins, commences, starts

Where you now fall in love with your own heart.

Finding your own happiness, zest and joy,

Without feeling the need to have a boy.

Falling in love with yourself can be hard

Especially when the past has left you kind of scarred.

Remember that the past doesn’t define who you are,

Rather it should be for what sets the bar.

In your hopeful journey to find your love, your partner, your best friend.

Because that’s whom they should ultimately be in the end.

A person who gets you fundamentally and true,

Promising to always pick you up when you’re feeling blue.

Online dating started casual, fun and exciting,

But to be honest it was anything but inviting.

I promise these apps are not the end all be all

Just think of them as a minor set back, a tiny fall.

You’re better than what can be summed up in a few pictures and a profile

So are they, you don’t even know what it feels like to see them smile.

You took a chance, and should be proud of that

However, putting yourself out there should mean more than having a superficial chat.

Congratulations, and welcome to the brighter side

Where you no longer need a screen to hide.

Smile, wave hello, and let your eyes connect,

There’s nothing wrong, or sexier then being direct.

Good luck, and happy dating!

I promise you feel better without all the complicating.

The world’s your oyster, go out and get it

All that I ask is that you really do delete the apps, and finally quit!

If you enjoyed this lighthearted tale then check out:

10 Reasons I Quit Online Dating or The Danger In Dating Apps.


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Posted on November 16, 2015 .